Adath Jeshurun

*A print­able copy of this guide is avail­able for down­load (PDF)

Adath Jeshurun’s Guide to the Jew­ish Funeral

When a mem­ber of a com­mu­nity dies, it is the community’s respon­si­bil­ity to lov­ingly assist the deceased’s fam­ily in this final act of respect. In this spirit, Con­gre­ga­tion Adath Jeshu­run has pre­pared this basic guide to pro­vide essen­tial infor­ma­tion con­cern­ing Jew­ish death, funeral and mourn­ing practices.

The Jew­ish way of deal­ing with death is one part of a larger phi­los­o­phy of life in which all peo­ple are viewed with dig­nity and respect. Our peo­ple believe that, even after death, the body, which once held a holy human life, retains its sanc­tity. Our sages have com­pared the sacred­ness of the deceased to that of an impaired Torah scroll which, although no longer usable, still retains its holi­ness. In Jew­ish tra­di­tion there­fore, the great­est con­sid­er­a­tion and respect is accorded the dead.

Jew­ish law and tra­di­tion have endowed funeral and mourn­ing prac­tices with pro­found reli­gious sig­nif­i­cance. To this end, Jew­ish funer­als avoid osten­ta­tion; fam­ily and vis­i­tors reflect the solem­nity of the occa­sion in dress and deco­rum; flow­ers and instru­men­tal music are inap­pro­pri­ate; embalm­ing and pub­lic view­ing are avoided; and inter­ment takes place as soon as pos­si­ble after death.

The chevra kadisha, a holy soci­ety com­prised of vol­un­teers, over­see the prepa­ra­tion of the body. It is an act known as chesed shel emet, a true act of kind­ness per­formed with­out ulte­rior motive, for the dead can­not repay this service.

PRE-PLANNING

Gravesite Pur­chase Pro­ce­dure
Graves can be pur­chased by call­ing Robin Sil­ver­man, Syn­a­gogue Admin­is­tra­tor, at 458‑5359. Unused gravesites may not be sold to other indi­vid­u­als, but may be sold back to the syn­a­gogue at any time for the price for which they were purchased.

Pur­chase Price of Gravesites*
Prices are $2,500 per grave, which includes per­pet­ual care. The price of open­ing and clos­ing a grave is $1,125 per grave for mem­bers and $2,250 for non-members, and this fee is charged at the time of bur­ial. A deed and Per­pet­ual Care Agree­ment is mailed to the pur­chaser upon receipt of the pay­ment in full. (*Prices effec­tive from 7/1/10 through 6/30/11.)

Per­pet­ual Care
Included in the cost of a gravesite is per­pet­ual care. Per­pet­ual care is a manda­tory part of pur­chas­ing a gravesite in the Adath Jeshu­run Ceme­tery. Per­pet­ual care cov­ers the main­te­nance of any per­ma­nent plant­i­ngs which are planted on a gravesite. Per­pet­ual care also includes fill­ing and lev­el­ing the grave if sunken, and main­tain­ing all com­mon areas of the ceme­tery. Per­pet­ual care does not cover the cost of pur­chas­ing or replac­ing plantings.

FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS

Jew­ish law requires that bur­ial take place as quickly as pos­si­ble. Bur­ial may be delayed for the fol­low­ing rea­sons: to trans­port the deceased; if close rel­a­tives must travel long dis­tances to be present at the funeral/burial; or to avoid bur­ial on the sab­bath or a holy day. In any case, the bur­ial should not be delayed longer than nec­es­sary. Such spe­cial cases as death by acci­dent or sui­cide, or death of chil­dren under 30 days of age should be referred to Rabbi Slos­berg for guid­ance. Fam­i­lies should con­sult with the rabbi when a death occurs.

BURIAL OF NON-JEWISH SPOUSES OR LIFE-PARTNERS
Bur­ial in the Adath Jeshu­run Ceme­tery had been lim­ited to mem­bers of the Jew­ish faith. As of Jan­u­ary 1, 2010, this pol­icy has been expanded to include non-Jewish spouses or lifepart­ners of Adath Jeshu­run mem­bers. This pol­icy only extends to non-Jewish spouses or part­ners of mem­bers of Con­gre­ga­tion Adath Jeshu­run. Bur­ial clergy shall be Jew­ish, although a non-Jewish per­son may do a read­ing, as approved by the rabbi. No reli­gious orna­men­ta­tion, other than Jew­ish, shall be used any­where in the Adath Jeshu­run Ceme­tery. The bur­ial must be approved by the Rabbi or, if he is not avail­able, by the Can­tor. Non-Jewish rel­a­tives of non-Jewish spouses/life-partners are not eli­gi­ble for bur­ial in the Adath Jeshu­run Ceme­tery. Should the Jew­ish mem­ber of AJ dis­con­tinue mem­ber­ship at Adath Jeshu­run, the bur­ial rights for the non-Jewish spouse/life part­ner will not be hon­ored, and any monies paid in toward the pur­chase price of bur­ial rights will be refunded. Should the Non-Jewish spouse/life-partner pre­de­cease the Jew­ish AJ Mem­ber, bur­ial rights will be granted to the non-Jewish part­ner, pro­vided that a dou­ble gravesite has been pur­chased for the even­tual bur­ial of the Jew­ish AJ mem­ber. Bur­ial fees for non-members of Adath Jeshu­run, includ­ing non-Jewish spouses and life-time part­ners of AJ Mem­bers will be charged accord­ing to the non­mem­ber bur­ial fee pol­icy in force at the time of death.

Tahara – Rit­ual Cleans­ing
Jew­ish law requires that the deceased be cleansed accord­ing to a pre­scribed rit­ual as an expres­sion of respect. This rit­ual is per­formed by spe­cially trained per­sons called a chevra kadisha (holy society).

Tachrichim – Shroud and Bur­ial Attire
Jew­ish law pre­scribes bur­ial in plain white shrouds (tachrichim) so as to demon­strate the equal­ity of all.

Cre­ma­tion
Since cre­ma­tion is strictly for­bid­den in Jew­ish tra­di­tion (all the more so since the holo­caust), the Rabbi and Can­tor will not par­tic­i­pate at a bur­ial ser­vice for a cre­mated body.

Offi­ciants
Rabbi Slos­berg and Can­tor Lipp both offi­ci­ate at funer­als for Adath Jeshu­run mem­bers in the AJ ceme­tery. Guest rab­bis may offi­ci­ate with the per­mis­sion of Rabbi Slosberg.

THE FUNERAL

Funeral Ser­vices
Funeral ser­vices may be held in a funeral home, or at the gravesite. The ser­vice usu­ally includes the chant­ing of psalms, poems and Eil Malei Rachamim (the tra­di­tional memo­r­ial prayer), and a hes­ped (eulogy) hon­or­ing the deceased. Instru­men­tal music is not permitted.

Con­do­lence Calls
Dur­ing the period from death until bur­ial, the mourner (called an onen dur­ing this period) is exempt from per­form­ing all reli­gious duties. Con­do­lence calls should be made after the funeral dur­ing the shiva week, except on the sabbath.

View­ing the Remains
Pub­lic view­ing of the body is con­trary to Jew­ish tradition.

Flow­ers
Flow­ers are asso­ci­ated with joy­ous occa­sions in Jew­ish tra­di­tion, and are not appro­pri­ate at a funeral. Friends and asso­ciates of the deceased who wish to show some con­crete expres­sion of sym­pa­thy are encour­aged to con­tribute to a char­ity which was of impor­tance to the deceased.

Leav­ing the Ceme­tery
After bur­ial, it is tra­di­tional to either wash one’s hands after leav­ing the ceme­tery, or before enter­ing the house of mourn­ing. This wash­ing is an affir­ma­tion of life after involve­ment with death.

PERIODS OF MOURNING

Shiva – The First Seven Days
Shiva is the seven-day period of inten­sive mourn­ing observed by the imme­di­ate fam­ily of the deceased begin­ning on the day of bur­ial. The mourn­ers include any­one whose par­ent, spouse, child, or sib­ling has died. Dur­ing the entire shiva period, mourn­ers are encour­aged to abstain from work, to remain at home, and to con­tem­plate the mean­ing of life and the man­ner in which adjust­ment will be made due to the death of the beloved. Pub­lic mourn­ing obser­vances are sus­pended on the sab­bath and Jew­ish holy days in view of the belief that the sanc­tity and seren­ity of these days super­sedes per­sonal grief. Mourn­ers are per­mit­ted, indeed encour­aged, to attend sab­bath ser­vices; but they are not given an aliyah or honor. It is cus­tom­ary at A.J. for the name of the deceased to be read at a sab­bath ser­vice after the funeral. It is cus­tom­ary for fam­ily and friends to arrange for a con­do­lence meal (which tra­di­tion­ally includes round foods such as eggs) to be served to the mourn­ers at the house of mourn­ing when they return from the ceme­tery. The mourn­ers should not serve as hosts or oth­er­wise enter­tain their visitors.

It is cus­tom­ary as sym­bols of mourn­ing for a seven-day memo­r­ial can­dle to be kin­dled, and for the mourn­ers to refrain from wear­ing leather shoes and from shaving.

It is also cus­tom­ary for the mourn­ers to par­tic­i­pate in evening ser­vices in the shiva home dur­ing the seven days, except on the sab­bath when mourn­ers attend syn­a­gogue ser­vices. Vis­it­ing at the time of shiva is a most impor­tant mitz­vah.

Shloshim – The First Thirty Days
Dur­ing the thirty days fol­low­ing bur­ial (except shiva) mourn­ers return to work and nor­mal activ­i­ties, but refrain from pub­lic enter­tain­ment or social activ­i­ties. In place of home ser­vices, mourn­ers attend syn­a­gogue ser­vices daily to recite kad­dish.

Shana – The First Year
Mourn­ers for deceased par­ents con­tinue to attend ser­vices daily to recite kad­dish for eleven months, and con­tinue to refrain from cel­e­bra­tory activ­i­ties for a full year.

Yahrzeit – Anniver­sary of Death
The kad­dish is recited each year on the anniver­sary of death (not burial).

Yizkor – Memo­r­ial Prayers
Yizkor prayers are recited on Yom Kip­pur, Sh’mini Atzeret, Pesach and Shavuot, and should be recited begin­ning with the first Yom tov day after the death.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION

Vis­it­ing the Grave
The Adath Jeshu­run Ceme­tery is located at 2926 Pre­ston High­way, at the cor­ner of Locust Lane. The ceme­tery is open from 9:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m. and is closed on Shab­bat and all other Jew­ish holy days.

Mon­u­ments
The max­i­mum size for mon­u­ments in the Adath Jeshu­run Ceme­tery is 48 inches high (includ­ing a 12 inch base) and 36 inches wide per grave. Arrange­ments for mon­u­ments can be made directly with any of the local mon­u­ment companies.

Plant­i­ngs
In order to pre­serve the beauty and uni­for­mity of our ceme­tery, only the ceme­tery care­taker
is autho­rized to place plant­i­ngs in the ceme­tery. Plant­i­ngs may only extend a max­i­mum of 24” from the front of the head­stone. Plant­i­ngs may be ordered by call­ing Julie Strull in the syn­a­gogue office at 458‑5359.

Memo­r­ial Plaques
Cost is $600 and plaques may be ordered by call­ing Robin Sil­ver­man in the syn­a­gogue office at 458‑5359.

Ceme­tery Con­tacts
Mur­ray Toborowsky Ceme­tery War­den 426‑2165

Stephen J. Evans Assis­tant Ceme­tery War­den 451‑6499

Jody Bowl­ing Ceme­tery Care­taker 634‑9696

Julie Strull Ceme­tery Admin­is­tra­tive Assis­tant 458‑5359

Robin Sil­ver­man Syn­a­gogue Admin­is­tra­tor 458‑5359